Life After Divorce
Expect to have several more sessions with your therapist after the divorce decree is final. You might not be over the depression of the loss. The aftershock of the reality of a new life will require some adjustments. Once you do take on the goal of seeking happiness again you are still going to experience some new emotions. Finances will probably be drastically different. Your social circles that have probably been sympathetic support groups will not be as available to you since they are expecting you to get on with your life. Your attitude toward courtship is now colored by the experience of the divorce. Marriage on the rebound is possible. How do you go about ‘getting it right’ this next time?
It might be some time before you accede to the requests of your friends to “fix you up” with someone for a date. You might have tried the “singles clubs” but feel out of place because you don’t feel quite “single”, and there are not that many “divorcee clubs”. Besides, it makes you feel as if you are in a “meat market”. When you do go out on a date: females sometimes feel that they are expected to engage in sex and males report that they are perceived as only wanting sex. It is unlikely that you want to go through the “courtship phase” again. What you long for is the comfortable feeling of being yourself and not having to be always on your toes to do and say the right thing. At this time it is not unlikely that your thoughts return to your ex, and yes, people do sometimes re-marry. Those issues could fill another book.
If there had been a third person during the divorce, or the cause of the divorce, you will be surprised to know that that person is not the one the ex-spouse usually marries. The third party was filling a different role prior to and during the divorce. The third party must now be evaluated as potential for fulfilling the dream and after all, that person was seeing a married person (you) at one time.
You should also know that “rebound” marriages do happen. Most usually they happen when engaged couples break up but they also happen soon after a divorce. If you are the one who didn’t want the divorce you may try to hastily recapture the dream and you are sure you can have it with any person who says that they love you.
The best way to get it right this time is to realize that when the chemistry strikes, then it is time to go through the same type of counseling you experienced throughout the divorce. This time, however, the topics of your conversations with your attorney and therapist will be different. You will be seeking the dream instead of running from a nightmare.